WARNING: This entry is loaded with a ton of Spring Breakers, bikinis, beaches, boats, beers, potty mouths, drunkards, fornicators, and other various fun things. It might be a little long, but its loaded…
I mean, it’s not like we just sat on Contigo at the mooring ball, wrenches in hand, bending our backs every day for seven weeks coaxing that old Yanmar into working order; it was going to be Spring Break in Fort Myers Beach, and we had some serious partying to do.
Before the younger crowd was to show up, however, FMB was in full “snowbird” swing. We couldn’t find a bar, restaurant, or live music venue with anyone else both under 40 and over 18 during the first two weeks we were there. It was like one awesome mega-mid-life-crisis community but it still seemed like more fun than anywhere we’d been on this trip. So when we weren’t working on the engine or cruising through The Sopranos/House of Cards, we were getting the lay of the land for the nightlife to come.
The FMB mooring field is located right in the middle of the Matanzas Pass, which is between Estero Island (the long island with all the beaches) and San Carlos Island. We stayed in the East Field, which meant there were no less than six bars or restaurants directly reachable by dinghy in addition to the dozens within walking distance of the dinghy dock on Estero.
Naturally, we got to know them all. I could practically list off the happy hours at each respective restaurant and name at least two or three of each staff. When I (finally) get around to adding that reviews section, you’ll see a lot more detail about each, but suffice it to say that Doc Fords, Parrot Key, Bonita Bill’s, and Matanzas Upper Deck became our living rooms on land. Major shoutout to Chris, Aramis (who had the guts to come sailing with us down from FMB get em gal!), Matt, Hannah, JP, Bell, Mark, Mallory, LJ, Adam’s cousin Austin and his other cousin Marcus, Chris’ friend Chuck, and a whole bunch of completely rad people working and living in the area. We can’t forget Keith and Jim, who showed us how real northerners play Euchre at the Tiki Bar… why the hell did you have to teach Matt how to “steal the deal?”
We also met a couple of magnificent and just as certifiably insane people named Mike and Mellisa. These two crazy kids were down south from Indiana for two whole months at their condo in Bonita Springs, which worked out perfectly since that was almost the exact stretch of time we were stuck in town. When M&M weren’t springing for rounds of Jager-Bombs or letting us use their brand-spankin-new Tundra to run errands, Mike was teaching us to fish in their own semi-secret fishing hole just a short walk from their condo. Hell, I even managed to catch a fish… Adam and Paul caught way more, but hey I got involved too…
When we weren’t catching dinner and Mellisa wasn’t cooking it into the most bangin’ fish fry I’ve ever been lucky enough to try, they were telling hilarious stories and providing the life for the party no matter where we went… which was pretty much everywhere. Especially Mellisa, who as it turns out is a wicked good Euchre player (I want a rematch).
^ Thats Contigo anchored just off the beach right next to M&M’s house ^
Oh man I can still taste those massive ribeye steaks with sautéed mushrooms and Florida sweet onions that Bud-Light-Mike cooked for us one night… what a damned good time we had with M&M! These two are easily some of the most hospitable, friendly, fun, and down right just as crazy as we are people I’ve ever met and we can’t wait to catch up again!
One day, we sailed farther south to Lover’s Key for an afternoon of relaxation in the sun to take a break from the party in front of Lani Kai.
When Spring Break really hit, tens of thousands of party animals aged 18-30 crashed the beach in front of the infamous Lani Kai for one of the most raucous revelries I’ve ever attended. FMB transformed from snowbird central to Spring Break cesspool… which was just perfect for us.
Of course, we came prepared with our own pre-game “equipment.” Gotta get the mind right for the party…
The Lani Kai was the center of it all, and by 2am every night the party made its way to the one and only YO TACO!.
In FMB, this is how friends wake friends up…
Staff: “Ok dude, he’s up… have you had too much to drink? Maybe you should sit down too. Now.”
Can’t forget the booty shaking contest every single friggin day at 5pm…
It would be impossible for this many people to have this much raunchy fun without someone trying to rain on the proverbial parade…
(As my Dad might have said, they were surely well-intended but sorely misinformed)
A great dude and former state wrestling champion named JP and I got into a little play wrestling match on the beach…
After St. Patty’s Day came around, which was literally on the final day of our seventh week in town, we were just about ready to keep heading south again. Adam’s cousin Marcus and our new friend Aramis were coming along for what was going to be an easy twenty or so hour sail down to Key West…
And it really was an easy trip down here. The problems didn’t start happening ‘till we arrived…
